Famous Baldness Jokes, Myths And Quotes

See below a list of famous bald quotes from Marlon Brando, Doug Cottam, Oscar Wilde, Warren Buffet, Ivana Trump, James Taylor and many more. If you have a quote that is not listed here please contact us and we will add it.

I’m not bald…. I’m Just taller than my hair
Clive Anderson

He Makes fuzz come out of my bald patch
Charles Lindbergh

I’d rather be bald than be labeled a cheat
Zach Lund

He’s the kind of guy that when he dies, he’s going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald.
Marlon Brando on Frank Sinatra

There is more felicity on the far side of baldness than young men can possibly imagine.
Logan P. Smith

You can not pick a bald chicken
Dutch Proverb

Look. Almost all of us are bald
Steve Fries

A Bad hair cuts is two peoples shame
Danish Proverb

There’s no question about it – hair-loss syndrome is still a problem
Doug Cottam

I like to call it ‘active hair loss’ indeed of ‘passive hair loss’
Todd Greene

I think men are allowed to be fat and bald and ugly and women aren’t… and it’s just not – there is no equality there
Connie Chung

You don’t find me too bald, do you? Old, and bald, and with a belly?
Julio Iglesias

I’m going bald…..I’m having a major problem with it
Gedde Watanabe

Have you noticed how most directors are either bald or grey-haired?
Mackenzie Astin

The tenderest spot in a man’s make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head
Helen Rowland

God, I’m just a fat bald guy, 60 years old, singing the blues, you know?
Joe Cocker

It’s not the hair on your head that matters. It’s the kind of hair you have inside
Garry Shandling

Women love a self-confident bald man.
Larry David

By common consent grey hairs are a crown of glory; the only object of respect that can never excite envy.
George Bancroft

The good lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs growing hair that’s up to them.
John Glenn, Astronaut

Anyone who looks good with a bald head is seriously sexy
Richelle E. Goodrich

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept failing out.
Jay London

Violet will be a good colour for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good colour for flowers
Fran Lebowitz

What’s the matter with you guys?…. The sight of blonde hair knocks you three rungs down on the evolutionary ladder…
From the television show Civil Wars

Gorgeous hair is the best revenge.
Ivana Trump

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut
Warren Buffett

It is better to be beautiful than to be good…. but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Oscar Wilde

Beauty draws us with a single hair
Alexander Pope

A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face and terror to an ugly one.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see

I’m still bald, I just wear a toupee.
Jason Alexander

You do not lament the loss of hair of one who has been beheaded
Joesph Stalin

Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts
Jim Morrison

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
Elayne Boosler

Fortunately, it doesn’t seem to have made a lot of difference to my audience that i’m as bald as a billiard ball.
James Taylor

For a lack of a better term, they’ve labeled me a sex symbol…. It’s flattering and it should happen to every bald overweight guy.
Dennis Franz

This is California. Blondes are like the state flower or something.
From Beverly Hills 90210

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Johnny Vegas

Here we have a baby… It is composed of a bald head and a pair of lungs
Eugene Field.

It was blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.
Raymond Chandler

Beckham? His wife can’t sing and his barber can’t cut hair.
Brain Clough on David Beckham

Hair is the first thing. And teeth are the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he’s got it all.
James Brown

I don’t call it baldness, I consider it a cure for dandruff.

A big advantage of being bald is that you can style your hair with a damp cloth.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more that two hours working on his hair.
Steve Martin

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is call the guillotine.
P.G. Wodehouse

How can I control my life when I can;t control my hair?

Gentlemen prefer blondes….. but gentleman marry brunettes.
Anita Loss

Red Hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
Larry David.

Hair loss is God’s was of telling me I’m human
Bruce Willis

Toupee or not toupee that is the question?
Not William Shakespeare

People alway ask me how long it takes to do my hair. Don’t know, I’m never there.
Dolly Parton

We’re all born bald, baby.
Telly Savalas

Bald as bare mountain tops are bald, with a baldness full of grandeur
Matthew Arnold

Getting away with going bald is an important life skill for men.

There’s many a man has more hair than wit
William Shakespeare

It is not white hair that engenders wisdom

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush
Oliver Herford

Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald

Better a bald head than none at all.
Austin O’Malley

Turn up your nose at red heads!… what ignorance! I pity your lack of taste
Mark Twain

It is not these well-fed long-haired men that I fear, cut the pale and the hungry-looking.
Julius Caesar

Gray hair is a sign of age, not of wisdom
Greek Proverb

there is no cure for baldness; the bald-headed barber is the proof
Amercian Proverb

We’re all born bald baby
Telly Savalas

A man cab be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, woman will like him
Mae West

There is nothing more contemptible than a bald man who pretends to have hair
Marcus Valerius Martial

Long on hair, short on brains
French Proverb

When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn
Mark Twain

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Sam Ewing

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that i’m not dumb. I also know i’m not blonde
Dolly Parton

Women’s liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think that she’s attractive to the opposite sex.
Earl Wilson

They’re not grey hairs. They’re wisdom highlights.

Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair colour.
Don Hirschberg

Gentlemen prefer blondes
Anita Loos

If dracula can’t see his reflection in the mirror how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
Steven Wright

Gray hair is a blessing – ask any bald man.

If Satan ever loses his hair, there’ll be hell toupee.

It is foolish to tear one;s hair in grief, as through sorrow would be made less by baldness
Marcus Tullius Cicero

I don’t consider myself bald, i’m just taller than my hair.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I love bald men. Just because you’ve lost your fuzz don’t mean you aint a peach.
Dolly Parton

There’s one thing about baldness – it’s neat
Don Herold

How you lose or keep your hair depends on how wisely you choose your parents.
Edward R. Nida


I had a camera and, whenever I photographed people, they came out looking bald-headed.. it was then I realised that I was using a Kojak film.

I went to the barber’s yesterday. He said, you’re starting to go bald. I said, well, get a move on then.

A Friend had been bald so long, I suggested he get himself a transplant, He’s didn’t for it, thinking he’d look stupid with a kidney on his head

I first realised that I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer to wash my face…

Woke up this morning after a heavy night of drinking to find out that i’d gone bald. Which is strange because normally I go for brunettes.

Balding Man: Why did you take off so much hair? Barber: I didn’t, nature beat me to it.

What did the Balm man get for Christmas?…. Bald and Fat

Why did the bald man go outside? …… To get some fresh hair

There are three ways a man wears his hair: Parted, unpainted, and departed.

I am not bald….. I’m just follicly challenged

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?….. Thanks, i’ll never part with it.

Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?… Doctor: Yes, here’s a shoe box.

I could tell you things about your baldness that would make your hair fall out.

He’s very sensitive about is hair……. I don’t know why he hasn’t got any!

Did you loose your hair by worrying?…… Yes worrying about losing my hair!!

Today’s toupees really fool people….. but only those people that wear them.

He washed his hair this morning and forgot where he put it!

There’s one proverb that really depresses him…. Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I started going bald very early. In fact in high school I was voted…. Most likely to recede.

I’ve been washing my hair too much it’s shrinking.

He wears a wig. It makes him look at least ten years sillier.

What you have you done to your hair? It looks like a wig!…. It is a wig…. Well, you’d never know it.

Just because he prefers blondes, doesn’t make him a gentleman.

Sure, my life isn’t perfect…. but hair is and that’s all that really matters.

Bald is the new black

Some people assume i’m bald but it’s just I prefer a very large centre parting.

God made a few perfect head… on the other he put hair!!

Bald people don’t have bad hair days

God is good…. God is fair to… To some he gave brains…. to others …. Hair!!

Bald in front? Your sexy….. Bald in back?…. You’re a thinker!… Bald all over? You think your sexy!!!

Don’t tear your hair out over a woman; it’ll be harder to attract the next one if your bald.


Washing your head in cold water can cure baldness….. False: Washing your head every morning in cold water may boost blood circulation but it does nothing for baldness.

Hair Loss comes from the mother’s side. False: Baldness is hereditary, but is not limited to the mental side of the family. The hair loss gene can come from either parent.